I'm a Grade A Scaredy Cat.

There's a big difference between someone being a "dreamer" and someone being a "do-er." I've always liked to imagine myself as a do-er, but the problem is, I'm really not. I tend to fall into the trap of self-doubt a lot more than I'd like to admit. Sometimes, I'm convinced I can conquer the world, but then there's always the reminder that I'm not the best, the brightest, or the whatever-est out there.

My issues of self-doubting stem from a long-time conflict that exists between my mother and I, but this isn't the time or place to address that. That's what therapy is for, right? Anyway, I'm pretty sure I'll never fully learn to believe in myself. With the constant fear of rejection suffocating me out of simple things like asking for a job application, I can hardly picture myself living out every single one of the dreams I've got locked away in this head of mine.

Maybe, just maybe, someone will take a chance on me. I'll wind up as the wedding planner I've always wanted to be, as the mother to a few gorgeous babies, or as the flight attendant on the international flight to Italy who gets to spend half her life living in Rome and the other half in the Big Apple. Or maybe, no one will take a chance on the girl who thinks she's not worth chances. I've always said my biggest fear in life is rejection, but really, I think it's deeper than that. I fear an un-lived life.

Stay Creative or Die Trying.

Recently, my blogging professor (yes, I attend a college that offers blogging as a class) invited a guest speaker to come and talk to us. I won't go into all the details of this man or what he said, but the most important thing that came from this speaker was the ever-so-simple reminder:

Stay creative.

Seriously, that's one of the most important things in today's world, but it also happens to fall into the "Most Forgotten" category as well. We're so focused on moving, going, working. We forget that life, as we know it, is actually quite short. You can't spend your entire life trying to fit into a certain box. That's not what we were created for.

Whatever you believe (or don't believe) as far as deities go, I don't think anyone will tell you that we live for no real reason. Deep down, I think every person wants to find that reason. For me, that's a big reason why I've fallen in love with the idea of wanderlust. It explains my ever-present need to get away in the sense of discovering the meaning of life, the reason I exist, and why I hate the taste of tomatoes. 

In all honesty, Dave Rhea had a lot of wonderful things to say. He's a really interesting guy to listen to, as far as speakers go. I'm not the most attentive listener in lecture-type settings, but he did a good job. 

"I am a wanderluster."

That week before I leave town is always the roughest week of my life. (Okay, okay... That's a bit of an exaggeration. So sue me.) I'm the kind of person who writes down the days I'll be out of town in just about every available spot in my planner, not to mention the countdown running constantly on my Twitter. I have an obsession with getting out.

That's the thing that a lot of people don't understand when it comes to wanderlust. Yes, I absolutely love where I come from. I was lucky enough to be born in a picture-perfect definition of Suburbia. It's got the small-town (where everyone knows everything about everybody else's business) feel with just enough going on to keep you entertained on a Friday night. So yeah, it's pretty great.

The problem I face is that "home" for me isn't just about the house I grew up in. It's not the town I know like the back of my hand, the state that my Social Security Number assigns me to, or the country I file my taxes in. It's the emotions, connections, and sights that pull me out of the hole I sometimes dig myself into. It's about the feeling where my soul leaps from my body at the sight of unfamiliar territory. That's what wanderlust is to me. It's a state where I find who I am in places I've never been, in the faces of people I've never met.

If you're a traveler, you've had a tiny nibble of the seven course meal that is Wanderlusting. You don't have the fever, but by all means, you're more than welcome to catch it. There's a beautiful feeling when you find your purpose in life, and mine is pretty simple: to spend my life searching for things I can't explain in places I've never been.

Touching Down

There's a moment when you're suspended in the air. I've felt it a few times, and it's one of those rare instances where time stands still. You're sitting in a plane seat, either looking out the window or staring straight ahead, depending on your personal flying preferences. The plane's wheels are out, inches from the ground. This is the moment that makes the whole flight worth it.

You're sitting in a giant metal death-trap that humans invented to thrust into the sky and fly around. "We, as human beings, were created to stay firmly put on the ground," my grandfather would argue. The thing is, we weren't. We were created to explore, to fly and swim and jump and live. So we started small, working and building our way up into the massive planes that now jet around the country, around the world.

The way it feels, hovering just inches above the ground... It can't be matched by anything else. Gravity seems to have stopped in the moment, but that doesn't mean you won't wind up safe. No, if anything, you're more likely to come out looking like you just rolled through a car crusher. Your lungs fill up with air, your body can practically feel the entire plane's movements, and then the wheels touch down.

Sometimes, there's a bounce. Sometimes, it's a little rocky. Heck, sometimes it's smooth and you thank your lucky stars you got a pilot who's done this a million times. Regardless of how the aftermath feels, you're back in the safe zone. The plane returns to the terminal, you get off and return to the hustle and bustle of the world, that moment completely forgotten.

Unless you're like me, because then you spend your whole life searching for another one.

What's in a name?

If you're not familiar with the Oklahoma City Memorial or the bombing that took place on April 15, 1995, you should read a little bit about it. Prior to the Oklahoma City Thunder, this was the most notable event that occurred here and was probably the one thing that most people connected to my home state.

There's a quote at the memorial that still, to this day, hits me right in the heart. It's the epitome of what it means to be an Oklahoman, at least in my eyes.

"The spirit of this city and this nation will not be defeated; our deeply rooted faith sustains us."

The words span the wall surrounding the Survivor Tree in the middle of the Memorial site. To lots of people that claim Oklahoma as their homeland, it's got a different meaning than just the bombing and aftermath. It's true in just about every aspect of life. You don't know just how strong you are until you've taken all you think you can handle, only to take another blow and find yourself still standing.

Things like this are a constant reminder of how important where I grew up is to who I am. Even if I'm out there, traveling the world and trying to discover myself, there's nothing like coming home to remind myself who I've been.