I'm Miserable At Letting Go.

I hate running in to old friends. Especially the ones I was closest to. The worst part is I can name every single best friend I've ever had, and I can tell you exactly why we're not friends anymore.

You know how snakes shed their skin? I have this weird thing where ever few years, I shed the people around me. Whether it's by my choice, their decision, or a mutual parting due to an argument, I've had my fair share of goodbyes.

A good chunk of the people I've been friends with took advantage of me. From controlling me, to only having me around when they wanted, to mentally abusing me. It's not exactly the best way to discuss old friends, sure, but it's the truth. Ultimately, the pain that comes out of these ended friendships can't be blamed on the girls who I thought were my best friend, but rather on me.

I've always had trouble letting go. When someone hurts me, the logical thing to do is to forgive, to forget, and to cut the ties. Me? I tend to go with the "Let me cause myself as much emotional pain as possible by constantly checking on that person via whatever social media site available at the time for as long as I possibly can" method. It's pretty sad, actually.

But today, even when I ran into my ex-best friend from high school, I slipped into the same weird mindset of worrying about her. Honestly, she was kind of rude. She also looked like crap, whereas I have found myself in a great place lately. A few months back, she was on Jerry Springer. I'm graduating college in December. She didn't even last two semesters. I'm not saying these things to prove to myself, or anyone else, that I'm better off than her. I'm saying that I'm better off than the person she knew.

In the past six months, I've changed a lot. I've discovered more about myself and more about my dreams, desires, and goals than I ever knew. It's not up to anyone else to define me. I'm over all of that. What matters now is how happy I make myself, not how happy someone else lets me be.

I'm proud of the person I've become. I'm not always proud of the person I was, but I'm proud of how I took the blows, adapted and learned. I'm on my way to greatness, folks.