A constant uphill battle

It's hard to look past the girl you see when you look at me. I'm loud, sassy, and seemingly confident. I'm in a sorority, I'm not exactly thin, and I'm convinced I was supposed to be born British. What you won't get by looking at me is that I'm far from what you'd think. Everyone is like an onion, and after the first few layers of toughness, you'll find a girl who takes everything to heart, no matter where it's coming from.

It's going on a year and a half now that I've been taking antidepressants. I've been seeing a therapist for a few months, something I wish I'd started sooner. Depression, anxiety, and self-doubt: these are hauntingly familiar things I struggle with on a daily basis. So while you see a girl sitting in your class who seems loud and obnoxious, I see the girl who struggles to find a reason to smile every single day.

I'm doing better, but there have been some really dark times. With the help of my doctor and my therapist, I have a shot at living a somewhat normal life, or as normal as I can be. I'm not saying that it's an easy fix, because it's really not. You don't wake up one morning and realize that it's all better. Antidepressants aren't a band-aid, they're a coping aid. One thing that's really started to help me is looking towards the future rather than the past, an idea that is reinforced by my love for traveling. I could sit around and look at all the places I've been and think, "Wow, what a great journey," but that seems like accepting it's over, which it's not.

I don't want to look back on my life and think I wasted a single minute doing something other than embracing life. Years from now, when the memories are being passed around at Christmas dinner, I want to be the one who has the best ones. I've been given one life, and only one life, so I'm determined to make the most of it. I'll be damned if some chemical unbalance in my brain is going to steal any of it from me.